I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
