So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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