I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
