she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
