Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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