A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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