im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
