I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
