The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
