So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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