he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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