Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
