So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
