We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
birth control should be required to get into college
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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