No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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