so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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