Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
