the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
