Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
