Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
