omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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