Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I will be naked everywhere
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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