I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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