Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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