i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
