my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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