we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
