Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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