it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
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If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
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FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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