I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
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The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
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time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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