I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
