every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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