Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
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Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
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