So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize