he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
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I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
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I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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