i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
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I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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