tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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