dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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