She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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