just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
