so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
