I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
