Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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