highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
