so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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