Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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