I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i think i have herpe
just one?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
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Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
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It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
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