There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
