It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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