I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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