I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
