Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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