so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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