dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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