I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
