Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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