My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
