it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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