Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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