Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
