how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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